she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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