never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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