And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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