why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
