I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
