I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
