I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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