All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
