I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I deserve this hangover.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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