Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
