Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
