my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Quick, to the slutcave!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
