Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
