That's when you crack a 10am beer
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
