someone threw a dead crab at me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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