Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
