he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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