Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
