Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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