I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
