You can't special order awesome
I looked at my own cervix.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
