hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
