I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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