I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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