dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Randomize
