his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
