Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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