just come out here and I will go home with you...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
