Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude i'm inner monologue high
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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