she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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