I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
