the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
