A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm at about main and main street
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
