i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
