So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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