a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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