hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was CRYING into my vagina
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
