I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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