I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Too much gin, very little bucket
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize