What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Im part way to drunk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
