i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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