she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
