he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
