i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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