I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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