Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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