Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
