His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
