I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
