So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
