So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
