sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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