i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
