I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
