? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
