Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize