first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
