Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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