no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
