$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
