just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
