I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
