Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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