She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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