I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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