i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
