I can tuck mytits in my pants
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
