how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think my mom watched the whole time
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
