Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
