please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
