I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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