Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
