So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
