Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
