so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
