I think I died a long time ago.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What a dumb baby whore.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
