I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
