A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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