It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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