just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Your cock deserves a montage
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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