My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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