Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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