I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
