its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
