I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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