guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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