Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
