I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
