i need an iv and a liver transplant
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
