Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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