i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
