I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize