Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
