So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
