Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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