my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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