i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
