So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
