she woke up with a sticky ear
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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