glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
